YE 
STANDARDS AND RULES
OF 
SPORTS OR CONSEQUENCES

TABLE OF CONTENTS

	I.	HISTORY OF SPORTS OR CONSEQUENCES

	II.	TEN COMMANDMENTS OF SPORTS OR                                   CONSEQUENCES

	III.	RULES AND THEIR INTERPRETATIONS

	IV.	ADOPTION

	V.	AMENDMENTS AND ADDITIONS

A HISTORY OF SPORTS OR CONSEQUENCES

IN THE BEGINNING the world existed without sports... and then unto the world came Cain and his brother Abel.  These two brothers would go hunting each day to bring food with their spears.  The typical early meal consisted of speared fish, speared asparagus, speared rabbit, speared... well you get the idea.

	One evening Cain had a great idea.... "Abel we need to keep our bodies in fit shape.  Let's play a game which will be physically demanding and thereby give us pleasure whilst we improve our health."  Abel replied, " An excellent idea!  in fact we can use this game to improve our hunting skills!" "Of course," replied Cain, " We'll each toss our spears with our greatest force and the other will go fetch it!"  Alas, in his excitement Abel thought Cain said "catch it" and the formation of sports suffered an early set back.

	Never-the-less the idea of recreation soon caught on... leading up to such  great rivalries as the Egyptians verus the Romans, the Greeks versus the Trojans, and the Christians verus the lions.  This final rivalry led to the longest winning streak in history ...  Lions 1147 - Christians 1..  and the first sports arena.  The fervor led to a great acceptance of sports by the people, and as a result  they  lost interest in wars, thievery, and politics and a general time of peace fell over the land.

	Naturally, this didn't go over too well with the rulers of the day who had been elected to conduct wars, steal, and lie.  So they banned any kind of sports activity.  But so great was the demand for sports that the people revolted, causing the fall of the Roman Empire, and sports became a permanent part of history.

	In modern times we still honor the great sports leader of ancient days, Kareen magic Babe Boomer Ty Pastoricus, who led his people in revolt, by reciting his rallying cry.. "SPORTS OR CONSEQUENCES"

.
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS OF
SPORTS OR CONSEQUENCES

1.  THOU SHALT NOT ASK ANY QUESTION BEFORE 1927.

2.  THOU SHALT NOT ASK MINUTIA.

3. THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER OFFICIAL ATHLETES BEFORE FRANK PASTORE

4. THOU SHALT NOT CAST DISPERSIONS UPON THE HONOR OF THE SUFFICIANADOS

5. THOU SHALT NOT BE A FIRST TIME CALLER

6.  THOU SHALT NOT HAVE THE SAME NAME AS ANOTHER CALLER

7. THOU SHALT NOT READ THY QUESTION FROM A BOOK

8. THOU SHALL BE HONEST AND HUMBLE THYSELF BEFORE THE SUFFICIANADOS

9.  THOU SHALL BE CLUEFULL

10. LIFE IS NOT FAIR AND IT IS THE DUTY OF THE SUFFICIANADOS TO IMPART THIS WISDOM UPON THEE.

RULES AND THEIR INTERPRETATION
complete with subsections

SECTION 1.    THOU SHALT NOT ASK ANY QUESTION BEFORE 1927.
	Cross section A.  The sufficianados, may out of the magnanimity of their hearts, answer a question regarding an event which occurred prior to 1927 under the conditions set forth in SECTION 1. Subsection 1. Cross section B.

	Cross section B.  To ask a question regarding an event which occurred prior to 1927 you must first conduct thyself in a manner described in SECTION 8, Subsection 2, Cross section B..  You must identify the question as being before 1927, and the question doesn't count.  So don't get smart!  See SECTION 1. Subsection 2. Cross section B. for further explanation.

Subsection 2.  HOW TO ASK A PRE-1927 QUESTION
	Cross section A.  It is not a good idea to ask a question like... "Bet you can't guess whit .408 in Sunday games during 1918?"

	Cross section B.  Here is an acceptable question....  " I knew when calling that you sufficianados would answer, without doubt, any question that I might ask of you, because you don't mess around.  Therefore, I beseech thee to grant my humble request.  (Upon receiving the affirmation of the sufficiandos) I have a question which occurred before 1927, which I ask only to receive the enlightenment brought forth by the word by the word of the sufficianados.  May I ask this of thee?  (if they say "YES" you may proceed.)

Subsection 3.  FRIENDLY QUESTION REGARDING PRE-1927 EVENTS
	Cross section A.  Once you've humble yourself and gained the approval of the sufficianados you my chit-chat and drop a question in as follows... "You guys sure don't mess around.  By the way, can you help me with a question before 1927?"

	Cross section B.   Once you've humbled yourself you still may not have gained approval of the sufficianados, so don't be pushy!  You only get one question and that's it!

	Cross section C. Those who have gained approval of the sufficianados know it!  So if you have doubts, it is best to not risk the wrath of the sufficianados.

SECTION 2.  THOU SHALT NOT ASK MINUTIA.

Subsection 1.  WHAT IS MINUTIA?
	Cross section A.  If it is not easily verifiable, doesn't pertain to the big three, ( Basketball, Baseball, or Football), and of little educational value to the junior sufficianados around the world, not to mention worth betting a brew at your local pub...   WE DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!  For example... the color underwear Hank Aaron was wearing when he broke Babe Ruth's all-time home run record... is minutia!   ( And also distasteful.)  

	Cross section B.  Some events are memorable because they mark milestones in the sport,  however, only the fist person to establish the milestone, or the first to break it, are considered noteworthy...  others are minutia.

	Cross section C.  Certain individuals raised themselves above the minutia of their sport.  It is acceptable to ask questions about them and their achievement but not their sport.  Such as Mark Spitz and how many medals he won.  This doesn't give you license, however, to ask swimming questions, unless it is of record setting consequence.

	Cross section D.  If in general the occurrence was of so insignificance as to not make major impact on the sport, or a contribution to that sports history it is considered minutia, and subject to the wrath of the sufficianados.

Subsection 2. THE RULE OF INTERNATIONAL IRRELEVANCY
	Questions regarding sports, as listed below, may be deemed minutia by the sufficianados.

	Cross section A.  Any sport played in a country who has not contributed a player to major league baseball...  such as any sport played in Tibet.

	Cross section B.  Any sport played in a country which doesn't play American style football... such as all those soccer playing countries.

	Cross section C.  Any sport played in the Olympics which is not also played on a professional level  by a well known TV Commercial star... for instance archery questions are minutia.

	Cross section D.  Any  sissy sport of which most of the people who do well generally aren't Americicans... like "speed walking".

	Cross section E.  Any sport played before crowds of less then 10,000 in the USA but hits in foreign countries...  like most track and field events, skiing, and weight lifting, etc..

Subsection 3.  THE RULE OF WHO CARES
	Cross section A.  
	Some questions are simply boring and of such inconsequential nature that they fester and release foul odors upon the essence of the sport, as a result they are deemed minutia...  For example, " How many baseballs were used in the last game the Reds played at Crosley  field?"....    WHO CARES???  While you would expect questions about the last game played in old Crosley, because of its historical significance, this is ridiculous!

SECTION 3. THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER OFFICIAL ATHLETES BEFORE FRANK PASTORE

Subsection 1.  FRANK THE MAN;  THE MYTH
Frank Pastore IS  Sports Consequences.  He is honored above all others as his contributions extend far beyond the field in which he played.  While other players labored in mediocrity, Frank with his guarantied contract, proved that the nature of the game extends far beyond the boundaries of the sport.

Subsection 2.   HOW TO HONOR FRANK
	Cross section A.  When Frank's name is mentioned it is appropriate to "ooh" or "aahh", to show your reverence.

	Cross section B.  Following the initial exclamations of awe, when Frank's name is mentioned, all sufficiandos should, in a low voice, chant... " FRANK-FRANK-FRANK-FRANK-FRANK" at least five times.
Subsection 3. FRANK PASTORE QUESTIONS
	Cross section A.   If any caller can stump the sufficanados with a question in which Frank Pastore is the answer, such caller will receive... a Frank Pastore baseball card, an autographed picture of the sufficianados,  nomination into the Sport or Consequences Hall of Fame, ( to be voted on by the founding members of the sufficianados), and an invitation to be a guest sufficianados.  WOW !

	Cross section B. If any caller should have the audacity to ask a question, in which Frank is the proper answer ( and this answer is so supplied by the sufficanados), BUT the caller believes it is someone other then Frank...  that caller shall be permanently banned from Sports or Consequences, and have his remaining bodily debris used as filler in a cat box.

Subsection 4.  WARMING UP IN THE BULLPEN
	  in the event that frank Pastore should become incapacitated and unable to carry on as official athlete of Sports or Consequences, former Red, Ed Bailey  may be called upon to provide wisdom and enlightenment to the seekers of knowledge around the world.

	Cross section B.  Should Ed Bailey be called upon to serve in any capacity with the sufficianados, it is appropriate to, at mention of his name, to spit, scratch, pick you nose, or throw down to second.  Somebody will figure out what's going on.

SECTION 4. THOU SHALT NOT CAST DISPERSIONS UPON THE HONOR OF THE SUFFICIANADOS

Subsection 1.  IT IS A MATTER OF HONOR AND TRADITION
The sufficianados represent the last vestige of sports in its purest form.  These individuals, whom fate has thust the mantle of "sufficianados", bear upon their shoulders the grand legacy of those who have gone before them... such noble men as Aristotle, Socrates, and Plato.  individuals who have pondered the great questions of our time, providing enlightenment to others caught in the mandane, boring existence. For any caller to...

	Cross section A	INFER
	Cross section B.  	INSINUATE
	Cross section C.  	SUGGEST
	Cross section D.  	IMPLY
	Cross section E.  	ACCUSE
	Cross section F.  	STATE
	Cross section G.  	IN ANY WAY
...   deem that the sufficianados have not fairly and honorably represented the traditions of the past, is to cast doubt upon the very being of man's relationship with his fellow man.  YEA VERILY, IT IS BLASPHEMY!  (and penalty is DEATH ! )

Subsection 2.  WHO ASK YOU?
	Cross section B.  Y OU HAVE BEEN GRANTED AN Opportunity   WHICH FEW INDIVIDUALS WILL EVER HAVE.  The opportunity to bask for a moment in the light of the great sports feats of all time.  To round the bases with Babe, to slide head first with Pete, to caron with Kareem, to boogy with Bubba... and for you to take this opportunity to blatantly express your uniformed, unasked for, opinion... regarding the integrity of the sufficianados...  Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   We'd like to give you a piece of our mind... a forty megaton piece...  5-4-3-2-1  Nuke!!!!!

SUBSECTION 5. THOU SHALT NOT BE A FIRST TIME CALLER

Subsection 1.
	Cross section A.  It is expected that all callers will be proven veterans, having experienced the game on a first hand basis, a full knowledge of the rules, and capable of handling themselves on the professional level in which sports or consequences is conducted.  Traditionally, first time callers just don't make the grade...  self-destructing along the way by violating the rules.

	Cross section B.   First time callers lack the intestinal fortitude to make it at this level of play.  And, because the sufficianados are intense in their pursuit of the truth, they don't have the time to break in a rookie.

Subsection 2.  EXCEPTIONS TO THE FIRST TIME CALLER RULE.
	Cross section A.  Occasionally, the suffucuanados may elect to take questions from individuals who have never had the privilege of conversing with the honored founts of knowledge.  This is done so that the suddicianados will know the satisfying feelings of having uplifted the hearts of ones less fortunate. .. a sort of mingling with the "little people" if you will.

	Cross section B.  On even rarer occasions, the sufficianados may wish to impart a small portion of their wisdom on the first time caller, and at the same time demonstrate some of the technical aspects of the game.  in doing so, result, pointing the many violations which occurred and why it is necessary first time caller...  he will still pay for his disgression.  After all, the law is the law, and occasionally, examples must be made.

Subsection 3. EXCELLENCE OF EXECUTION BY A ROOKIE
	Cross section A.  In rare occasions, a rookie caller may display the ability to complete and excel at the professional level.  These rookies, exhibit good judgment (they don't let anyone know they're a first time caller), they have a sound knowledge of the fundamentals ( they don't break any of the rules), and they understand their role in the game ( they don't try to dominate the conversation -- instead... setting up the sufficianados for a detailed divulgence of the sought after answer).

	Cross section B.  If an individual has successfully completed the criteria for rookie performance ( See SECTION 5, Subsection 3, Cross section A.) he or she may call this to the attention of the sufficianados on a subsequent call, noting the day and question which was asked.  Upon doing so the individual will receive a "polite round of applause" from the sufficianados.

SECTION 6.  THOU SHALT NOT HAVE THE SAME NAME AS ANOTHER CALLER

Subsection 1.  THE SAME NAME AS ANOTHER CALLER
	Cross section A. Having the same name as another caller, is considered to be an attempt to confuse the sufficianados, and therefore is expressly prohibited.

	Cross section B.  It is not the fault of the sufficianados that another individual shares your name, and it is an affront to the sufficianados that with it!  It's your problem... you deal with it!  otherwise, you will discover the sufficianados have a quick and painful solution.

Subsection 2.  THE SAME NAME AS A SUFFICIANADO
	Cross section A.  Having the same name as a sufficianados is also confusing and doesn't really honor the sufficianados properly.  Sending money is a proper honor, being named after a sufficianados is a cheap rip-off.

	Cross section B.  If you have been named after a sufficianado, and have contributed something sportsworthy of which the sufficiandos can be proud of, you may be allowed to ask your question.  This however, does not create immunity to any of the other rules which you may violate.

	Cross section C.  If you have the same name as a sufficianado, the sufficianados may wish to talk  to with you, to hear your question and to determine whether you have the wherewithal to represent the traditions of Sports or Consequences.  For those of you so named, and proven capable in the field of battle...  a "polite round of applause".

SECTION 7. THOU SHALT NOT READ THY QUESTION FROM A BOOK

Subsection 1.   Book Questions

	Cross section A.   It is an insult upon the dignity of the sufficianados to read your question from a book.  The sufficianados don't get their answers from a book!  And any meatball who has the audacity to read from a book, must face the consequences...  Consult your Webster's dictionary under nuclear destructive device.

	Cross section B.   You are expected to be able to provide the source of your question, should a need for clarification arise... just as the sufficianados may utilize published data to refer to the misinformed caller for further consultation.  However, you still can't read it from the book.

Subsection 2.   EXCEPTION TO THE RULE
	Cross section A.   If you have a question, from a book which you absolutely must have an answer, you may ask  ( and even read)  the question, provided you follow the procedure described in SECTION 7, Subsection 2, Cross section B.

	Cross section B.   To read a question from a book, follow this procedure...  First, identify your  question... "I knew you guys could answer any question that I might ask, which I could really use some help on...  would you mind helping me out?"  Secondly, await the response of the sufficianados.  Thirdly, remember your question doesn't count against the sufficianados but does count for them if they answer it.

SECTION 8. THOU SHALL BE HONEST AND HUMBLE THYSELF BEFORE THE SUFFICIANADOS

Subsection 1.  HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY

	Cross section A.  Our society is built upon a great moral tradition.  When George Washington was asked "who cut down the cherry tree?" he proudly said "I did!"...   The sixteenth president was know as "Honest Abe"...   Oliver North, when asked "who was responsible?" replied "he was!" ( or was it dead men tell no tales?)...  This great banner of truth is displayed proudly by the sufficianados, who never attempt to deceive, mislead, or trick the callers around the world in the sufficianados reaffirm their sacred vow to the truth...  "We don't, We don't, we don't mess around!!  Hey!"  And any caller who doesn't adhere to this motto, will be blotto!

	Cross section B.  If any caller attempts to mislead, misdirect, or intentionally phrases his questions as to entice the sufficiadados into an incorrect answer he ( or she) will receive a gift of enlightenment from the sufficianados.  A 40 Megaton gift.

	Cross section C.  It is a clear infraction to... ask who won an event relating to horses and then to try and give the horses name as being the correct answer.

	Cross section D.  It is a clear infraction to...  ask a question about a player or even that occurred in spring training, exhibition, or pre-season, and the reveal that the player never made it to the majors or regular season.  For example...  asking the question  " What player from Ohio, played on a NBA championship team and was also a first round professional draft choice?"  IS A TRICK QUESTION! Because the call hasn't revealed that the professional football ranks he is referring to is the CANADIAN Football league.

	Cross section E.  Let's face it... if your really stupid enough to ask a trick question you get what you deserve.  BYE!

Subsection 2.  HUMILITY IS NEXT TO CLEANLINESS WHICH IS NEXT TO GODLINESS

	Cross section A.   In every profession there are "hot dogs", those players who attempt to make up for their lack of skill, by shooting off their mouths.  So too, do certain callers attempt to place themselves at a level above that of the sufficianados themselves.  Remember my friends, the difference between "confidence" and "cockiness" is the ability to back it up.  And if your a "hot dog" you could find yourself char-broiled.

	Cross section B.  It is proper to humble thyself before the sufficiandados, showing respect for their wisdom, and reverence for their experience.  This applies even to "quest sufficianados", the "gummies" and the "sales gerbils".  These individuals have undertaken the challenge... they have dedicated their very lives ( or at least a few minutes) to becoming "black belt" suffinianados.  And you'll live a lot longer if your nice to them.  It is clearly a violation for the caller to take a "combative" nature in addressing the sufficianados.

	Cross section C.  It is the responsibility of the host or moderator, to verify that the proper decorum is used when addressing the sufficianados.  As the keeper of the sacred flame, you should show this individual the utmost respect, for it is he whose finger rests upon the trigger.

SECTION 9.  THOU SHALL BE CLUEFULL

Subsection 1.  MULTIPLE QUESTIONS

	Cross section A.  Multiple questions are strictly prohibited.  For example, "Who are the last five World Series winning teams?"  Clearly, this is a request for five answers, and is in violation of the rules, EXCEPT when presented under the conditions set forth in SECTION 9, Subsection 1, Cross section B.

	Cross section B.  A caller may ask a "name" or "list" question provided they are prepared to give at least  as many clues as the number of answers they are asking for.  For example,  " Who are the top five  highest paid professional athletes?"... the caller would be expected to be able to provide five clues.

	Cross section C.  When providing clues, in the answer count, the caller must be prepared to give the required number of clues at any time, even if there is only one answer remaining.  For example, asking the sufficianados to provide the past five N.L batting champs, could mean...  that if four have been correctly named, the caller might be asked to provide five clues towards attainment of the fifth answer. 

Subsection 3.  NUMBERS QUESTIONS

	Cross section A. If a caller asks a question regarding a specific date, a specific time, specific number of times an event occurred, or a specific number of people who accomplished an event, the caller will be expected to play "high-low" for up to any number of times that the sufficianados deem appropriate for that particular question.

Subsection 3.  CLUES IN GENERAL

	Cross section A.  The most honored callers are those who provide the most clues without giving the answer away.  The more clues that a caller can give and still stump the sufficianados, the more esteemed the caller.  in fact, some callers have even been winners based solely on the numbers of clues that they have given, before the sufficianados have attained the answers.

	Cross section B.  Failure to provide clues (when asked) is deemed a violation of SECTION 8, Subsection 2, Cross section B.  ( reference humility).

Subsection 4.  DOUBLE PLAY AND TRIPLE PLAY QUESTIONS

	Cross section A.  Some of the exciting aspects of the team sports is the "combination" aspects of the game... a single event with big results such as three point  in basketball.  A caller can, by following the example in SECTION 9, Subsection 4, Cross section C, ask a question which results in multiple points.

	Cross section B.  DEFINITION A "double play" or "triple play" question is actually two (double play) or three ( triple play) questions which have the same answer, and therefore more valuable.  Here's an example... (triple play) "What college basketball team has recorded the most wins?  What college basketball team has the most NCAA tournament appearances? What college basketball team has the recorded for most consecutive non-losing seasons?"  The answer, worth three points is Kentucky.

	Cross section C.  To ask a double or triple play question, you must first receive the permission of the sufficianados.  ONLY ONE QUESTION OF THIS NATURE IS PERMITTED ON ANY SHOW.

SECTION 10.  LIFE IS NOT FAIR AND IT IS THE DUTY OF THE SUFFICIANADOS TO IMPART THIS WISDOM UPON THEE.

Subsection 1.  LIFE AIN'T FAIR
	Cross section A.   It is the highest duties of the sufficianados, to be teachers of men, to send forth a message to all who come seeking knowledge.  It is a message universal to the very soul of mankind.  "Life ain't  fair" and development as a human being.  This is the truest purpose of the sufficianados.

	Cross section B.   On the rarest of occasions, the sufficianados have given an incorrect answer, although it is pondered by the great minds as to whether they do this intentionally so as not to distance themselves from the masses, never-the-less, it has occurred.  But these answers are given for a purpose.  it is a valuable human lesson, that you should first depend on your own resources, before seeking aide elsewhere.  It is a lesson in self-reliance.

Subsection 2.  TESTING
	Cross section A.  The big one is a member and supporter of the civil defense warning network.  Occasionally, and without warning, a test firing of the Communication Offensive Nuclear Device Orbiting the Midwest ( C.O.N.D.O.M.) may take place.  We offer no apologies for executing our patriotic duty.
	Cross section B.  Complacency is a terrible thing.  You get sloppy in your work ethic and fail to execute properly.  One way to avoid complacency is to have unexpected test of your character and ability.  You will learn from these experiences and be better person from them.  We're doing this for your own good.  5-4-3-2-1......

Subsection 3.   IT'S OUR SHOW
	Cross section A.   It's our show and we have the last word.  You play by our rules.  It's our game and our ball.  Your damn lucky that you even have the opportunity to dial us up.  If you expect life to be a bed of roses, you've got another thing coming... (and here it comes special delivery!) 5-4-3-2-1.......

ADOPTION OF RULES

This set of rules are open to the interpretation of the Commissioner of Sports or Consequencees, and his interpretation of the rules is considered to be final.  In the absence of the Commissioner, the sufficiadados on hand, may interpret the rules as a collective body, or select an interim Commissioner toabsence may alsoappoint an interm Commissioner to act on his behalf.  The interim Commissioner, if appointed, wil supercade any Commissioner selected by the sufficianados.

No protests or apperals are permitted.  The Commissioner's word is final.

These rules are hereby set forth and adopted in the manner prescribed aforehand, and supercade all prevois rules, but do not set aside any prior judgements which may now be found to be incingruos with these standards contained herein.

These rules are herby adopted as prim facia evidence and testements, on this  _____  day of ___________, in the year ______.  As witnessed and attesed to by the following undersigned:

                                                                                                         Commissioner

                                                                                                         Host/Moderator

                                                                                                         Black Belt

First prepared by Ye Humble and Gummy Scribe ...  Stephen W. Vance,  2-19-1988.
Computerized  and updated by Ye Humble and Gummy Techno Scribe...* John E. Quigley II, 10-24-1995.